True Story

I’m claiming it: 2017 is my worst year this decade.

Yep, it’s true. I’ve had a shitty year so far, and I’m two months shy from 2018, so I’d say that there’s no danger of my luck turning around and my last two months of the year making up for the rest of my year.

I’ve failed plenty of times this year.

I lost so many people on my team.

I dropped out of grad school after planning for so long. And I don’t even like making plans. The road to getting into grad school was long and hard, and actually finishing mattered to me. But I failed to even finish my first sem.

I lost my interest in blogging and vlogging, and even posting on social media.

I lost my drive. I realized that I didn’t want the things I thought I wanted. I’m not where I want to be right now.

I cried too many times this year. I’ve lost count of the number of times I went home in tears, or the number of days I felt exhausted from keeping myself from breaking down in public. Sometimes, I failed to do that, too.

I lost my voice. My authentic voice.

I lost that confidence that I always have that I can do anything I set my mind to, because for the first time in a long time, I am failing at everything.

I lost certainty of the things I used to be so sure of. When your life’s turning to shit, the only thing that will keep you together is knowing that there are things you can trust, like the sun rising and setting. I didn’t have that.

I lost hope.

And at some point, I even lost myself.

Now if only I’d lose some pounds and some fat, but I’m not even expecting anymore.

Most people don’t like posting about our real lives online. We prefer to only share the best version of ourselves: the happy and abundantly blessed “Instagram-worthy” version of us, because frankly, none of us wants to be judged. We want people to think that we have picture-perfect lives, but that’s not me. I have plenty of people who don’t like me, so if they ever read this, they’d probably be happy to know that I’ve been depressed and down. But here I am, telling you how much I’ve failed myself, my parents, and the people around me all year long.

And that’s okay. I’ve learned a lot of things from all my failures, too. But that’s a story for another time.

If you’re reading this and you’re having an incredible~ year like me, know that you’re not alone. At least I’d like to think I’m not. Things will work out for the better for all of us. We’ll make it happen no matter what the odds are, so don’t give up! ;)

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