Establishing Independence

For a crazy long time, I used to play the role of the damsel in distress. Being an only child, you could say that I was spoiled by my parents, and the mentality that I will be provided with everything I wanted and needed kinda just stuck. In fact, I still take a look at my private blog posts, reading about a distant time when I wished everything I wanted out of life would be handed to me on a silver platter. At some point, I got frustrated with the people around me, because “none of them could save me”. It was only later that I realized that I was the hero I needed all along, and I needed to save myself from me.

When I finally did my own saving, I needed no one. When I had my eyes set on something, I was unstoppable. I was focused like I never was before, and I loved it. Occasionally, I would loathe myself for the time I was so helpless. When faced with situations that would force me to unnecessarily depend on other people, I get frustrated. I don’t understand why I have to, when I can do everything on my own. The self-hate for that past version of myself was so strong at times. There were occasions when I’m in a crowd that would remind me of those times, I would feel uncomfortable and would feel the need to isolate myself from everyone else.

So you see, I value my independence very much. I take pride in the fact that I’ve achieved everything from my own strength and persistence, and I do not need anyone’s help to do shit like carry my bag, or menial tasks that need no assistance from another person. I get frustrated, annoyed even, when people force to do things for me. It’s like depriving me of that one aspect of my personality that I truly like. So please, no. You are getting in the way of my plans, and now, you are throwing me off. I need to do things for myself. Respect that.-HANA

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