Letting Go Part II

I had a good cry today. And I already look like Kim Yuna from all the crying, my lids have lost its folds. While it’s amazing to walk out of my room looking like Kim Yuna, I can’t without getting interrogated by my parents. So I’m stuck here til they’re not swelling anymore like hell.

Today, I’m letting go of memories. I never really saw the need for it. I used to think throwing memories is a waste, especially when they’re good memories. But now I understand so many things. Like why people choose to lock memories away until they’re not hurt by it anymore. And why people choose to be strangers after a relationship ends. No one wants to hurt. It’s so logical, and I can’t believe it took me so long to understand.

So I said goodbye to my babies, and then some more memories I can’t afford keeping anymore. It’s so painful to be the only one interested in holding on to these.

To Mallows and Patch,

You’re big now :(( We’ve been together for so many years, and I’m sorry I can’t keep you anymore without feeling hurt. You used to mean so much to us, to me, but now you don’t anymore, and that doesn’t mean I love you any less. It’s just that Dearest (me) has to move on, too, and choose to not be hurt anymore. Please always stay together. Don’t fight. Please be good, you guys. I can’t take care of you guys anymore, and I don’t know when we’ll meet each other again. I hope you will have a good pamily adopt you and take care of you well. I’m sorry I’m not strong enough to keep you and not break down at the sight of you. I love you. Til then.-HANA

7 comments to Letting Go Part II

  • mitsu  says:

    Hey Han, I’m one of your fb contacts and tho I don’t know you personally, most of the people I know from the cosplay industry are your friends. So sorry if I had to go to your blog out of curiosity. :)

    I’m sorry to hear that one of your (former) friends caused you so much pain for trading your friendship over one guy. That only means your friendship means nothing to her, and she should be embarrassed of herself for being so insensitive and cruel. Regarding her “friends” who keep on defending her anonymously, I sincerely believe they should be more worried than defensive. If the girl did that to you, what makes them think the same wouldn’t happen to them?

    And the guy is also insensitive enough to hurt you many times over by choosing your friend over SO MANY people. If he can’t respect a woman whom he spent more time with than his current girlfriend, I wonder if he could respect her any better when they decide to tie the knot. Character is everything and that guy doesn’t know how common courtesy – whether or not he did it intentionally.

    I hope you would feel better soon. :)

    • dollhana  says:

      Hey Mitsu! Really? We don’t know each other personally? Sayang naman! Wish I can meet you and get to know you better offline :)

      To be fair to the guy, I’m no saint :) I had my fair share of wrongdoings in our relationship. So, of course it would be natural for him to say that there’s nothing wrong with what he’s doing compared to everything I’ve put him through.

      It feels so wrong that this is the first thing you see upon visiting my blog :)) I apologize for the emotional mess this turned out to be. I’m doing my best to come to terms with everything. As I deleted our photos, I found that my friend and I were in as many photos together as my ex and I had :)) Ang sad lang.

      Again, I appreciate you taking your time to visit my blog. This helped me feel better, more than you think. *virtual hug!*

  • alvin imperial  says:

    feel sad to your blog hana.. though i really don’t know what was happening to you, i would say that keep moving on and enjoy your life. it’s his lost, not your’s. whatever his reason, he has no right to do that way.

    maybe that’s the thing only you could do, avoid the things that make him remembered. and be happy as always, to show him that you’re happy and works well even without him. be strong, God knows and reserved the right one for you. :)

    • dollhana  says:

      Thank you, Alvin :) I really appreciate your support.

  • Julia M.  says:

    Standing frozen
    In the life I’ve chosen.
    You won’t find me.
    The past is all behind me
    Buried in the snow.

  • alvin imperial  says:

    your always welcome… :) always smile though your heart was still aching.. time would heals the wound and when that time comes that you were fine and completely moves-on, another you’ was borned.. a younger woman who has now stronger and doesn’t hurts easily. :)

  • Khrishia Ronquillo-Sedenio  says:

    This post is just too cute but at the same time too sad :( I remember when I was on the same situation wherein I needed to part ways with “Miming” … my treasured pillow that I always hug whenever I hit the sack. I needed to “Let GO” of Miming because she was already tattered and worn out. I missed how she smells, how she feels whenever I hug her and the feeling of “nasanay” with her being around.
    It really took me quite some time before I went and scouted for a new pillow to replace her. It was really hard but afterwards you get accept the change.
    Anyway, what probably am trying to say is that, be it small or big changes, we need to face them with strength because they are, afterall inevitable. We must learn to accept and cope with whatever lies ahead.

    Cheers! :D

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