Why It Sucks to Be 23

So when is it the right time to declare that your life is falling apart?

I’ve been contemplating for a while now to make an introductory post, to properly introduce myself to the netizens of the world that frequent my blog. It is rather unfortunate that I had to introduce myself this way.

Hello, I’m 23. And my life sucks.

Getting out of college and topping the boards made me into the idealistic girl that I am that I could get anything I want out of life. I decided that I can be anything, since you know, I topped a licensure exam of a career I never loved. So, I had the discipline to excel in things I can’t even stomach. Getting a job in a tertiary hospital and surviving for a year and a half was another proof for me. I left despite being recognized repeatedly as an outstanding employee. I left because I was confident that I wasn’t a one-trick pony. I can learn new things and be anything if I put my heart into it.

After shifting from one freelance career from another for the past couple of months, I am now in a slump. My parents are dropping hints that they want me to settle in a full-time job, something I refuse to do unless it’s with a company I truly believe in. Of course I had a company I wanted to get into, but alas, it’s not yet my time (read: I didn’t get accepted).

Surprisingly, I’m happy with my life right now. Meeting people, attending events, writing about my experiences and taking photos to share to the world. I’m just not earning from it, hence, the urge from my parents to get a “job”. And I’m not entirely comfortable with the fact that I’m draining my savings for this little hobby of mine, despite the happiness I derive from it.

At 23, people expect you to be responsible. Responsibility probably meant working in a job you don’t like just so that you can help augment the household income. Well sorry, I don’t qualify as “responsible”, at the moment. Learning from my experience in the hospital I worked in, I don’t want to work for the sake of a paycheck. I’d rather find a job that I love and get paid very little for it than live everyday in a hell hole.

At 23, people think you should have your whole life figured out, mapped out in front of you. I don’t. My future is a blur and it scares me. I know that I want to be someplace, but hey, there’s no straight line from where I am to Point B. And as much as I hate to admit it, to myself and to anyone else reading this, I’m stuck right now.

At 23, I’m too old to leech from my parents’ income and too young to leave home and be independent. Being an only child is keeping me from going where I’m supposed to go, because I have to live for my parents than for myself.

So yeah. 23 is such a difficult age to be in. And I’m having a difficult time right now.

3 comments to Why It Sucks to Be 23

  • Sumi Go | The Purple Doll  says:

    Hey Hana, you’re not alone! At 22, heck even at 21, I already found myself in a slump! I’ve been stuck for over a year now. And while I help out in the family business, I can’t deny that I exert more time and effort into this blogging hobby and my freelancing on the side.

    Ironically though, I took up the course I want in college. And now, I actually want to practice it, but the family biz has been keeping me from doing it professionally.

    Anyway, I think this is just a phase we have to go through. At least in our case, we know what we don’t want, even though we haven’t figured things out yet. This is part of growing up, so let’s try to learn from it and know our selves better. I’m sure, slowly but surely, we’ll get out from this mess.

    Good luck to us! :)

    • dollhana  says:

      Hey Sumi! Totally unexpected for someone to comment, but much appreciated <3 It's just that when I see friends my age getting married, having kids, and being successful in their chosen career paths, I can't help but feel a tinge of despair inside. Like some grand revelation happened and I missed out on it, probably because I was busy with the wrong things.

      But hey, you're right. We're still young. :) I'm praying that there's a greater plan in all of this, and I hope we finally figure out where we fit. :) Cheers!

      • Sumi Go | The Purple Doll  says:

        It’s really hard not to compare. I think this has been a factor for my on-off depression too. But you know, let’s just do our thing. :) Yup, we’re still young and we have a lot to learn. My wish for now is I become more accepting of who I am, and where I am in my life. I’ll be praying the same for you. :)

        Anyway, happy holidays, Hana! ^^

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